Is There a Correlation Between a Man's Sexuality and His Parking Method?
There are many styles and techniques for both.
Dear readers, I have something to confess to you: I was not a virgin when I was married. But then again, I was 34-years-old at the time. So, I did have a varied sex life decades before I met my husband of thirty- six years.
When his mother complained that I was not a virgin, he retorted, “I don’t want a 9-year-old for a wife.”
So, living in Puerto Rico, where the driving is scary, but the parking prowess amazing, I have seen many parking techniques. If there were an Olympic medal for parking, Puertoricaños would bring in the Gold.
Does the way someone parks affect how they react to women during the act itself? Let us investigate.
First, we must all acknowledge the fact that for men, all cars are symbols of their penises. That is why you may find men with huge Cadillacs, or SUV’s. So, it stands to reason that they are not merely parking a car; they are inserting their penises in the proper spot.
Many of them will search and search for their spot; I find myself thinking, “Just park the damned thing!’’
Others are more casual; they choose the first available spot and call it a day. A few are careless. They allow the car to almost spill over onto the next slot. Hmmm, I suppose these types just want to spread their seed.
Those seed sprayers may just be promiscuous, so exercise extreme caution and make sure to pack your own condom.
The one thing I have learned about Puerto Ricans is that they are exact in their parking. The men and the women helpfully direct you on how to park. They do this with a variety of hand motions. Mostly they direct you right or left. Often, they twirl their hands in a circular pattern. If you are puzzled by this circular movement, please realize that they are only trying to assist you.
Once, I just tossed my keys to a young gentleman and had him park my car. Helpful in most of life’s bland but necessary actions, we were once on a major highway with a flat tire.
I knew instantly that we were not in New York City, because five cars stopped for us.
Generally, in the upper 48, one steps over a dead body. You will find that the distance from NYC directly correlates with the help you can expect to receive from the kindness of strangers.
For example, in Philadelphia, where I met and married my husband, a dead body may or may not be attended to, consistent with what the observer has on her or his to do list. In Pittsburgh, where I was born, all that you need to do is fall down and six people or will come running to help you.
I imagine that in the midwest prairie states, they may bring a firetruck to assist you, along with a few EMT’s. This is just one of my fantasies. If you have experienced anything like this in the heartland, I would very much appreciate your feedback.
Also, how is the parking situation in the midwest? Do they case the spot like a burglar? Or, do they just pull the vehicle in and go about their business. Do the women park differently than the men?
Men are different than women, we all know that. I say Viva La Diference! I am making a leap here and suggesting that men in the midwest also are parking their penises.
What about the deep south? Are they still gentlemen there? Perhaps they wait for the lady to park first. If they find her attractive, then they park their penises close to the fair damsel. Or not.
I have not traveled through the south in many years so I do not remember how they park. I have never been in states like Nebraska, Oklahoma or Wyoming. In fact, Illinois is the only midwest state I have been to, and as I was only 8-years-old, memory does not suffice.
Now we live in Puerto Rico. As I have already mentioned, these folks are the best parkers on the planet. They park with razor sharp precision, and most of the time they back in. They back their huge SUVs and other vehicles in with surgical precision.
I wonder if…Well as I am a married lady, I may never know. But not all readers are married, so please email your thoughts to me.
DonnaRNWriter@Yahoo.com. Oh, and Buenas Tardes!
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