Liposuction Would Be Easier Without the Corset From Hell
That is a good thing because I would get it once a week if I could!
One wonders what your average Southern Belle went through with corsets before the civil war. Once long ago, our family went to a reenactment at Gettysburg, and I bought the hoop skirts, which were very comfortable. Indeed, the outfit felt familiar, as if I had worn it in another life.
Remember the scene from Gone With the Wind where Mammy is lacing Scarlett into a corset? That my friends, is nothing next to my after-lipo corset. It runs from my exposed breasts down to my thighs. It completely covers my back so that it looks like a half-assed jumpsuit.
Dang! Looks like I popped a hook & eye as I slept!
Even Scarlett would have trouble with this one. It is a combination of a corset plus a straight jacket. It has a nifty slit in the crotch area for, well let us say Natural Functions.
I do better just by pulling the contraption down. Of course, this is not always practical when one is using a public restroom. First, you must take off your top, then your bottom, be it a skirt or jeans, then because so many women are waiting, you attempt to pee through the slit. Or, you can wear a dress, which I found easiest because there is only one obstacle. All the while, my bladder is shouting, “Danger! Full-on Pee expected imminently!”
Too bad I had to inherit my mother and grandmother’s bladder. It must be the size of a pea because it does not store much pee. In a public ladies,’ my bladder senses all the waiting bladders screaming “Hurry up! Get on with the job of peeing or we shall break down the stall door!” This is an example of a psychiatric term called projection. While waiting in line for a vacant toilet, I feel like giving a lesson on how to pee for beginners. Really ladies, just pull your pants down and let it rip! Though— thanks, but no thanks on the seat.
Note to all women, “If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie and wipe the seatee!”
Men would be able to do solve this conundrum easily—for obvious reasons. All they need to do is whip it out, give it a congratulatory shake and go about their business.
It will be a blessing if my surgeon, Dr. Rafael Cuoto, liberates me when he sees me on December 30. As it is now, I sometimes use a handy little tool that allows me to pee like a man. My husband found these on some forgettable website, and they do make great gag gifts. I do try it with the Lipo Straightjacket, but still, I manage to dribble a bit on the garment.
All that you need to do is place the larger end of the assistive pee on your ladyparts, and hope that your aim is true. I endorse this for long car trips. That is, if you also have tissue in the car. The business of drip-dry is not to my liking.
How do you like my photo staging? What is not shown is the true mess of my “stuff.”
For cleanliness sake, I bought another corset in beige from Leonisa, a Colombian company, but this one does not fit me as well. Because it a partially a panty, it is nonrefundable.
I could have bought one on Amazon, but I think that Jeff Bezos has enough money. I am well-acquainted with the Leonisa store, so I usually shop for my bras and panties directly. They have an outstanding collection of lingerie and bathing suits. They also sell this thingamabob, which is called a Faja in Spanish.
It is an F- haha haha! But, as my mother used to say: “Beauty hurts.” This does not hurt, it is just one of life’s inconveniences.